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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23024134">Oleanders in bloom</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaberNezumi/pseuds/SaberNezumi'>SaberNezumi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Based on Black Eagles Route, Canon-Typical Violence, Description of burial traditions, F/F, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:33:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23024134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaberNezumi/pseuds/SaberNezumi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"If I asked you to don't go to the front lines, to instead protect Edelgard here at the monastery gates, would you do it?"</p><p>Ladislava stared at her and held one of Mercedes's hands against her chest. Her expression was serious, but her eyes denoted a sadness difficult to describe.</p><p>"What I can do is promise that I will do everything in my power to return to your side when all this is over..."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ladislava/Mercedes von Martritz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Oleanders in bloom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"As you have requested, Mercedes, I've arranged everything necessary to take care of her", Edelgard's voice reached her ears, distant, although she knew perfectly well that she was only a few meters away. "Outside will be waiting for you part of her battalion, they'll help you once you're ready", she informed her.</p><p>"I appreciate it, Your Majesty", were the only words that could come out from her lips. She could see the woman's silhouette, highlighted against the wall of the room by the sunlight coming through the door.</p><p>"We'll wait for her outside the main doors of the monastery, along with the others", Mercedes could feel Edelgard's gaze on her, waiting for some gesture or response, but she remained silent. A few seconds passed, until the Emperor finally decided it was time to leave her alone, and withdrew, closing the door behind her.</p><p>The semi darkness of the room was broken by the light that entered through a small window in the west wall. Enough to partially illuminate the body that rested in front of Mercedes.</p><p>Her armor was in the same condition that when Mercedes rescued her from the battlefield. On the side of the bed, a large wooden table had been supplied, where she could leave each of the armor pieces once she got rid of them. In addition to the necessary implements to prepare the dead body for its last farewell. Mercedes took a couple of steps forward, but her legs failed, forcing her to kneel. She reached to lean on the wooden barrel full of water that had been supplied to her and force herself to drown out any cry. She closed her eyes and sought inside her strength for what she had to do, repeated for herself a prayer that her mother taught her as a child, imploring the Goddess for help. But with everything she had witnessed since she escaped from Garreg Mach to join the Empire forces years ago, Mercedes didn't really know who those words would come to.</p><p>It hadn't even been a day since they had last spoken. Since she felt the heat of her body against the skin of her fingers, or the beating of her heart. Now Mercedes could only think about how the blood that once flowed inside that body, still stained part of the fields surrounding the monastery.</p><p>"I'll take care of it from here onward, you can retire", she informed those who waited in Ladislava's room to help her put on her armor. Perhaps in other circumstances the two monks would have waited for the general's approval, but the chaos of the approaching battle could be heard outside, and the faster everyone was in their positions, the better.</p><p>Ladislava only watched her for a few moments, and then continued putting on her clothes while Mercedes stepped aside and let the other two women rushed out, probably to join their squad. Mercedes closed the door and silently approached the table where the general's armor lay neat. Polished pieces, with marks and small dents of past battles, clear examples of every moment in which they had fulfilled the purpose for which they had been created. Too many for Mercedes's taste.</p><p>"You should be at Her Majesty side", sitting on the edge of her bed, Ladislava bent down to adjust the metal sabaton that protected her shoes. Mercedes just watched her in silence, feeling an oppression in her chest that only seemed to accentuate with the screams that ran through the monastery, warnings of the impending attack of the Knights of Seiros.</p><p>Although there were few occasions when it had happened, Mercedes had already had the opportunity to see Ladislava without her armor on previous occasions. But mostly her bare arms when she trained in close combat with other soldiers, or part of her legs when she enjoyed sitting at the edge of the monastery lake. It wasn't the first time she had seen her naked torso completely, but since the general was always on the front lines or carrying out missions for Edelgard, those occasions were precious and scarce. Ladislava wasn't wearing the top of her clothes, which lay on the side of the bed, and she was only wearing her leather shoes, her linen pants and the woolen stockings that protected her legs. Mercedes could notice every muscle in Ladislava's back contracting, showing her core strength; she could also follow with her eyes the line outlining her spine as it came to her bare neck, in between her hair half collected. She felt the blush on her cheeks and Mercedes felt a little ashamed, but didn't look away when Ladislava stood up, exposing her breasts and abdomen, to put on her linen undershirt, which, despite having been washed, had dark spots on different parts, evidence of the rubbing of her armor. The same thing happened with the armed coat that she wore on top, filled with certain herbs and layers of linen to give her more support.</p><p>Mercedes approached the table where the armor awaited and took the greaves, whose function was to protect the tibiae. Ladislava waited for her, still sitting on her bed, and Mercedes noticed how a slight satisfied smile appeared on the woman's lips.</p><p>"I see that you know the order in which an armor should be put", said the general, accepting the piece that Mercedes extended.</p><p>“I've helped Jeritza a couple of times with his own", Mercedes watched her as she adjusted the greaves on her legs, starting with the left one, and then stood up and continued with the next piece of her armor, which would protect her knees and thighs.</p><p>"Of course", Ladislava began to knot the leather part of the upper interior of the armor that covered her legs to her armed coat, which would hold the two pieces in place during combat. Meanwhile, Mercedes had surrounded her and now, kneeled behind her, she adjusted the leather straps that would keep that part of the armor attached to her thighs.</p><p>Neither said anything for a while. Mercedes paid special attention to each buckle being adjusted properly, she didn't want them to be the cause of the armor failing at a crucial moment. Nor did she want to distract Ladislava more than necessary, Mercedes knew that most likely her mind was already on the battlefield, devising strategies to intercept the enemy and prevent them from setting foot inside the walls of Garreg Mach. It would be difficult. If the informants they had sent to the front lines were correct, at the head of the approaching army were Catherine and Rhea. To everyone's surprise, apparently, they had decided that this was the right time to leave their refuge in Fhirdiad.</p><p>“Next is the chainmail, isn't it?”, Mercedes was going to get the shirt made of small metal links when she felt Ladislava's firm hand take one of her wrists.</p><p>"Are you going to tell me why you are here?", Ladislava kept her gaze and waited, but, although Mercedes repeated in her head the speech she had prepared perfectly, she wasn't able to say a word. Ladislava let her go slowly, stroking the back of her hand with one of her fingers.</p><p>Mercedes took the heavy chainmail in her hands and carried it to where Ladislava was waiting for her, but before helping her getting it over her shoulders, she looked at her. Mercedes looked the general from the feet up, and upon reaching her face, she instinctively placed one of her hands on Ladislava's chest, in the exact place where her heart rested. The woman's expression might not show it, but Mercedes could feel the small acceleration in the frequency of her beats. She moved her finger up her body and stroked part of a collarbone that peeked under the linen undershirt.</p><p>"If I asked you to stay by my side this time...", her throat was dry, and that first sentence was painful to pronounce, but Mercedes persisted, even though she already knew the answer she would receive. "If I asked you to don't go to the front lines, to instead protect Edelgard here at the monastery gates, would you do it?"</p><p>Ladislava stared at her and held one of Mercedes's hands against her chest. Her expression was serious, but her eyes denoted a sadness difficult to describe. A fragility that she only showed in moments when she could or allowed herself to feel that way, usually when they were alone in the privacy of a shared moment.</p><p>"I swore allegiance to Her Majesty", Ladislava explained, although it wasn't really necessary. "I swore to be the ax that fall relentlessly upon her enemies and the shield that stand strong between her and who dared raise their weapons against her". Ladislava carefully lifted Mercedes' hand and brought it to her lips to kiss it, holding it a moment later against her cheek. "Our troops still don't fully recover from the skirmish in Derdriu... if we want to live to see another day, I must prevent that at least part of their army from reaching the gates of Garreg Mach, and for that I must intercept it far away from here".</p><p>Ladislava noticed that Mercedes was still opposing the idea, even though they both knew in the end that she was right. She gently laid her forehead on Mercedes's, closing her eyes for a few seconds to feel the closeness of their breaths. She smiled. Wars like this were always bloody and with immeasurable human losses, but they were also full of moments like these, little glimmers of hope in the middle of bloodbath, windows to the future that lies beyond the violence and the regrets.</p><p>"What I can do is promise that I will do everything in my power to return to your side when all this is over", it was barely a whisper, but Mercedes heard it perfectly, before their lips joined as they had done so many times since a few years ago.</p><p>Some knocks were heard at the door, more urgent than they usually would be.</p><p>“Enemy flags on the horizon! Her Majesty gave the order to move forward!”</p><p>"It's almost time", Mercedes, still with her hand on Ladislava's cheek, caressed her face, trying to take in every detail that had always caught her attention. The impossible color of her eyes and the way in which their curvature gave her an impenetrable look; the several scars of past battles, some from when she was a simple soldier in training, others more recent, with their irregular edges and different colorations, varying between pink and a somewhat brighter and pale appearance. Also, her somewhat hard lips, for Mercedes was inevitable to remember them exploring her skin.</p><p>She took the chainmail with both hands and helped Ladislava getting it over her shoulders. At this point, the only thing the general could do was wait for Mercedes to bring each of the rest of the armor pieces and accommodate them as appropriate, since there wasn't much she could help her with but to hold them in place occasionally. The chainmail was followed by the breastplate over her chest, and then the plackart that would protect her abdomen. Mercedes walked from one place to another around her, checking that everything was in the right place, that no piece was too loose or tight, or that it had got caught in her inner clothing. Ladislava followed her with her eyes, marveling at the subtle differences between Mercedes and the monks who used to help her. For those women, it was their job, an important one, but no more than any other. But Mercedes took each piece of her armor with devotion, blessing them with the caress of her hands, imploring them to fulfill their purpose, no more, no less.</p><p>There were only a few parts of the armor left. Mercedes wished they were more, for the simple fact that Ladislava's armor sacrificed protection in exchange for greater mobility, which made her a highly vulnerable target. Part of her arms were totally exposed, as was her head. But when they talked about it, Ladislava always refuted her that they were necessary modifications to better cover what was happening on the battlefield. <em>With those open-faced military helmets with visors, it would be impossible for me to hear or see what happens most of the time around me</em>, she said, trying in vain to reassure her.</p><p>"I know what you're thinking", Ladislava murmured when Mercedes was at her side again, helping her with the pieces that protected her forearms. "But there isn't much we can do now".</p><p>When the spaulders were finally in place, with their metal dragon wings framing her face, the Scarlet Warrior appeared before Mercedes in all her glory. Ladislava was adjusting her gauntlets, moving her fingers, making sure her grip was correct. Then she went to a closet at the end of her room and from it she drew her battle ax, sharp and polished, gleaming a little even in the dim light of the room.</p><p>"There's something else...", Mercedes stopped her before Ladislava left.</p><p>The general waited next to the door for her to continue. From between the folds of her blouse, Mercedes pulled out something Ladislava could only see well once she had it in her hands. It was a small bag of citrine satin, on it there was a protection rune embroidered in fine black threads. By bringing it closer to her face, Ladislava could appreciate the characteristic aroma of lavender, mixed with another that she couldn't identify.</p><p>"What is it...?", she asked, curious.</p><p>"An amulet to grant you protection against your enemies, a blessing...", Mercedes explained, losing her voice a little at the end. Ladislava wanted to laugh a little when she saw how Mercedes was somewhat embarrassed about it, dodging her eyes and with her ears dyed carmine. She held back, bringing the amulet closer to her face again. It smelled just like Mercedes. "I worked on it for a few days, it's a tradition inside House Martritz to give something to a beloved one, so that person can take you with them, even if distance separates you".</p><p>“What does it contain?”, Ladislava thought about opening the amulet to figure out herself, but in those instances, on the verge of a battle she knew would be difficult to cope with, she didn't want to miss out on hearing Mercedes's voice, even if it was for just a few more seconds.</p><p>"Lavender flowers, a small amount of my favorite tea, albinean berry blend", Mercedes listed. "Also, I wrote a prayer. Binding words to keep you close to this world and not the next".</p><p>"Can I add something else to this amulet before I leave?", Ladislava returned the satin bag to Mercedes and approached her weapons closet, from which she extracted a small silver dagger. She approached Mercedes again, who was waiting for her without knowing yet what the general was referring to. "Would you allow me to cut a small strand of your hair?", Mercedes nodded and closed her eyes. Ladislava tangled part of her fingers in the middle of the hairs that fell next to Mercedes' face, and carefully cut a few strands.</p><p>Mercedes received them, and delicately introduced them into the amulet. Ladislava smiled, taking it again to put it this time under the armor that protected her right forearm, the one with which she carried her ax in battle.</p><p>In the distance, they could already hear the march of the two armies that were about to meet.</p><p>"There is no time left...", Mercedes said, trying not to sound nervous.</p><p>Ladislava kissed her forehead in response and whispered in her ear, <em>honoring the gift of this blessing is my duty now</em>.</p><p>Mercedes untied, one by one, each of the leather ties and buckles that held the blood-drenched armor in place, taking her time, being careful not to hurt the bruised body they had protected until their capabilities were exceeded. She got rid of the armor in the same order she adjusted it hours before. The spaulders first, this time with both wings broken, then the gauntlets and then the vambraces that protected her forearms. The amulet was no longer among them. When Mercedes approached Ladislava's body on the battlefield, she was holding the little bag tightly in one of her hands, pressing it against her chest. Now it lay on the table at the side of the bed, with its citrine color lost under large red spots, and its aromas completely annihilated by the penetrating smell of blood.</p><p>Mercedes pushed aside the ventral part of the plackart, circling Ladislava's waist with one of her arms to raise it enough to be able to remove that piece of armor from under her body. She did the same with the breastplate, although this time she had to completely lift the general's torso, hold it against herself, cold, inert, to be able to put aside the piece of metal that, being unable to avoid it, fell to the ground making a thud sound against the stone floor.</p><p>Mercedes once again let Ladislava's body rest on the bed, holding her head with one of her hands to take care not to hit it. She examined the chainmail, shattered in certain places, still somewhat shining despite the blood and sweat accumulated between its links. She didn't have to move the body too much to get rid of it, the broken parts allowed her to remove it with just a few precise pulls. Then she untied the ties that held in place the pieces of armor that still covered Ladislava's legs. When these yielded, so did the tension on the armed coat. She got rid of them, then the greaves and finally the sabatons protecting her feet. Mercedes took off the combat boots immediately too, with its soles still full of mud.</p><p>The armor had returned to the table where it used to rest when it wasn't being wore by its owner. It no longer shone as much, the blood, mud and smoke stains testified what its owner suffered in her last minutes. The dents were clear, both on the metal that protected her spine as part of her spaulders. But the most obvious were the deep marks that had split the metal in certain crucial places, discolored and black, as if the weapon that had damaged them burn as much as infernal fire. Mercedes had seen that kind of marks in the past, she knew them well, who was using that legendary relic was famous for leaving her enemies wounded like that.</p><p>The scissors waited at the side of the table. Mercedes took them in her hands, still staring at the armor in front of her and took a deep breath, once, twice. For a moment she believed that she couldn't control the tears that so desperately wanted to fall, but she clung to the cold metal of the tool in her hands and tried to remain calm. No, this wasn't the time or place. She turned slowly on her feet and with a couple of steps approached the side of the bed. Ladislava's face seemed serene, with wounds and dried blood on part of her cheeks, tracing a path from a cut in her forehead to her chin, but her expression didn't denote pain or anguish, not anymore. Mercedes realized that her hands were shaking slightly and that the pressure she was applying just wasn't enough. Gradually, she managed to cut off the armed coat and linen shirt that covered Ladislava's torso, following a line from the abdomen to the neck opening; then the two sleeves, going through the shoulders, until she reached the neck opening again. Before cutting the pants, she took off the woolen stockings and then cut along each of the legs. At the end, Mercedes set the scissors aside and carefully removed each of the remaining parts of the clothing, still trembling. She set them aside, in a basket along with everything that would later be incinerated.</p><p>Mercedes took the metal vessel that rested at the foot of the barrel and filled it with water. She carried it a few steps to leave it on the floor, next to the chair they had prepared for her. She took a cloth in her hands, dipping it in the vessel, and slowly began to bathe Ladislava's inert body. Washing all impurity, all traces of blood and dirt. As Mercedes advanced in her task, she tried not to think about how cold the woman's body was, how pale her skin looked. Or how her eyes seemed more sunken, and her somewhat ajar lips were discolored. Her mind didn't know where to escape when she reached Ladislava's chest and felt the absence of beats, much less when she took one of her wrists in her hands and the absence of pulse was evident.</p><p>How not to remember the nights they shared together. When Mercedes had placed one of her ears on Ladislava's bare chest and had clearly heard her heart, alive, beating rebellious and blissful. The heat that emanated from their bodies under the sheets, the sweat that covered Ladislava's forehead and her smile, all topped by the beautiful blush that covered her cheeks. How not to contrast those images, which at that time seemed so distant, with their present.</p><p>At dawn of that next day, after the first night they spent together, Ladislava had helped her get dressed, since Mercedes had promised to wake up early to help in the stables. Now, at the last sunset of Ladislava, Mercedes was the one who dressed the general in her civilian clothes and combed her hair after finishing bathing her body. Before touching Ladislava's clean clothes, she washed her hands and arms up to the elbows. After the previous task, the water in the barrel had turned a reddish brown. For the first time after the battle, Mercedes could see her face. Reflected on the surface of the water, she didn't recognize herself. Something had died inside of her.</p><p>All she had left to do was wrap Ladislava's body in a series of delicate bandages. Mercedes did it carefully, starting from her feet. When she reached her chest, she rest the amulet she had given her on it, before covering it. Another deep wound made its way through her heart when she finally had to cover Ladislava's face completely, and was aware that, from that moment on, she would only live in the memory of those who knew her.</p><p>When she finished her task, she sat in the chair at the side of the bed, watching the body in front of her like everything was just a different reality. And for long minutes she remained silent, not knowing exactly what to do with herself. The world was different. She was still herself but at the same time... she was not. She was terrified.</p><p>When she opened the door of the room, five soldiers entered and bowed, first to Mercedes and then to Ladislava. One of them recited a brief prayer before the other four, each taking a tip from the sheet where Ladislava rested, raised her body and guided it reverently outside the room, where she was deposited on a wooden stretcher. After this, the same soldiers raised the stretcher with some timbers that jutted out of it and carried it on their shoulders. The fifth soldier, the same one who had recited the prayer before, stood in front of the small caravan and raised the Empire's flag in the air. Thus, with a brief bow of their heads to Mercedes, they began to walk towards Garreg Mach main entrance.</p><p>The stone-lined tomb in which Ladislava was buried was on the outskirts of Garreg Mach, since there was no more space in the monastery cemetery. Mercedes had asked Edelgard for a place of fertile soil, where she could plant some flowers. The Emperor's orders were to bury her at the foot of a leafy tree, at the nearest forest limits.</p><p>"You should go back to the monastery, Your Majesty. Get some rest", Mercedes spoke, kneeling in front of the grave. "Everyone has left already", and she didn't lie. The night's darkness was about to completely cover the sky and the temperature had dropped considerably, in the esplanade filled with new excavated tombs only Mercedes remained, with Edelgard standing a couple of meters behind her.</p><p>“No, I'll stay here. We'll go back when we're both ready to do so".</p><p>Mercedes didn't answer. She buried part of her hands in the loose earth over the grave and thought of the coming autumn months, the perfect time to plant the flowers she wanted.</p><p>Her fingers bled with the tension she applied to her bow every time she shot a new arrow, as she rushed across the battlefield. Although Mercedes wasn't as accustomed to its use as she was with her spells, the bow's simplicity allowed her to dispatch enemies much faster. Besides, she barely had any energy left for a couple more spells and she had them reserved for when she found Ladislava.</p><p>The Church forces had almost completely abandoned the outer lands of Garreg Mach, and there were only a few knights left to eliminate the fallen imperial soldiers and steal anything that could be considered valuable. She advanced a few meters more when she saw Ladislava in the middle of the smoke, with one knee buried in the ground and holding just upright using the other foot. Employing another soldier's shield, she defended herself against a knight's attacks. At her feet, her ax lay shattered and a few meters away, her wyvern had been shot down from the sky.</p><p>Three quick consecutive arrows, shot directly to that knight's neck and back, was the only thing Mercedes needed. The knight fell at Ladislava's feet. Mercedes ran to her and only when she was a few meters away, the general recognized her. Dropping the shield, which fell heavily to the ground, Ladislava spread her arms to receive Mercedes between them. When she hugged her, Mercedes's hands felt an unusual, thick and elusive warmth. When she raised one of her hands enough to see her fingers, she recognized the blood covering them. The same blood that was slipping through each of the joints of Ladislava's armor on her abdomen and left shoulder.</p><p>Ladislava sank her face into the curve of Mercedes's neck, who could feel the blood that fell down the general's face run over her skin and get lost in her clothes. After the initial shock of seeing the bad state in which the woman was, Mercedes stayed on the ground, smearing her clothes, holding a dying Ladislava in her arms and using what was left of her energies to try to keep her alive until help reached them.</p><p>"Despite everything, you smell like lavender ...", her voice was rough, dry. She spoke with great difficulty. Mercedes couldn't see it, but a thread of blood fell from Ladislava's mouth. "We could plant a field of them... outside our home..."</p><p>"Our home...?", it was the first time Ladislava even mentioned it, the possibility of a life together. Mercedes held her tighter, while noticing how the general began to shiver slightly in her arms and lost strength in her grip.</p><p>"Yes... a field of lavenders...", Ladislava coughed, and one of her arms gave way, falling to the side.</p><p>"It would be beautiful. I want to see it. With you at my side, I want to see it...", Mercedes whispered, kissing Ladislava's head between her bloodied hair. She could feel the woman's body getting heavier and heavier, and how her own hands hurt from exceeding her spell's limits, but she couldn't afford to stop. "But it wouldn't be fair if they were just lavenders, don't you think?"</p><p>"Another flower... do you have another that you like...?", Ladislava dragged her voice and Mercedes could barely hear her. Desperate, she casted a pair of fire spells into the sky, in hopes of getting some ally's attention.</p><p>“Do you have a favorite flower, Ladislava? I would like to plant those too... my love?”</p><p>"Oleander... oleanders in bloom".</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There is an existential horror to the nature of intimate relationships. That opening ourselves to others - allowing them in - brings with it an annihilation of our singular self. We merge, we reshape, we combine and replicate, and mirror. And, on a level that is terrifying, to be with someone is to sacrifice something of who you are.<br/>But it's also beautiful.</em>
</p><p>- Dan Solo on Annihilation and Decoding Metaphor video essay</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I apologize for any grammatical error. English is not my first language.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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